Only Me (my morbid sense of humor)

Throughout my life countless events have occurred where I am always left asking one question: Who else does this happen to except for me?

There was that one time I learned that a "blade" of grass is actually a very accurate description because I cut my lip on a piece.

Only me.

Then there was that time that I nailed myself in the face with my laptop and gave myself a fat lip.

 

Only me.

 

There was that other time when an ex boyfriend had just broken up with me but still walked me out to my car when I left his house. Me, focusing on the little dignity I had left (not to mention how good I looked in my heels) stepped on the curb wrong and fell face first on the asphalt tearing up both knees right in front of him. I then had to not cry and go back to his place and wash the blood and shame off of my legs.

Only me.

Then there was just now.

For anyone who knows me you've heard me rant at least once about my parents cat, Lillian. Who is slowly dying from a combination of old age and hyperthyroidism. It sounds sad, and it is, but I talked to the vet myself and she assured me that Lil is not in pain and is on all the right medications. So I DO feel better about it at least.

However, in her old feeble state, she has decided that I am worthy of cuddling with. Who am I to deny an old cat's bucket list? Not me, no. I would not be mean to this poor thing. She came up to the couch and gave that Cat Look where you know they want to come up and sit with you but won't do so without being invited. I patted the couch and she came up, sat in my lap and it was cute. Key word: was.

I was sitting online chatting with Devin and I'm discussing whether or not it's a normal that my only concern of letting her sit on me is falling asleep and waking up with a dead cat on me. To me, this seems like the worst thing that could happen, not to mention kind of funny.

Leave it to sick humor of The Universe to prove My Sick Humor wrong.

Waking up with a dead cat on you is, in fact, not the worst thing that can happen.

As I'm sitting there discussing this morbid thing that I am laughing about because I know it won't happen, the worst thing that can happen with a sicko cat sitting on you... does.

She inhales deeply.

Her body tightens, her back arches, her body shivers, her stomach turns.

and she pukes.

She pukes right on my arm.

I laugh so hard I start crying because, honestly, crying is really what I want to do. Because there is nothing more gross than a cat puking, let alone a cat puking ON you. It's as if their whole mind body and spirit go into this one act.

So, yes, waking up with a dead cat on you would be gross, it would. But having a feeble cat puke on your arm while you are rendered completely helpless by a combination of pity for this creature and simply by pure shock and horror that you're getting puked on?

Only me.