The Beard: Terrorist?

The Beard.
A noble human characteristic which is, most of the time, unique to one gender.

The Beard.
A part of a man's face which is directly related to how well a man can perform in their given job title.

The Beard.
Terrorist? Recent data would claim so.

Today Devin was going to go into promotion board which, to most people, sounds very stupid and non-informative. Let me explain; you get spiffy, you walk in with your knowledge and your superior officers ask you many questions about your knowledge and you tell them and then they let you know if you are worthy of being promoted.

Anyways. Devin walks in and they tell him to get out because his face is not shaved close enough.

The Beard.
Terrorist indeed.

Apparently if you would like to be in a leadership position, Beard is not your friend.
I don't know how many times I've seen evil and insidious characters walking down the road with a beard and thought "I bet he couldn't lead ANYONE"

I just can't think about anyone I know that could be a good leader and also have facial hair... it's weird isn't it? Think about it, all great men in history were clean shaven.

Because facial hair is evil.
I believe that Beard is a pret-ty bad thing, friends. Because my husband is not a good leader if his shave isn't close enough.

I dunno, call me crazy... but beards and facial hair just aren't allowed in the Army because you can't be a good leader with a big distracting beard on your face.

Beards. Terrorists?

Five Whole Months

It has been five whole months and I feel I must get back to blogging! But first I feel obligated to post a boring blog where I reintroduce myself, let's ease back into this relationship, after all I did abandon you for a couple months.

First of all to my two whole fans: I am sorry. I was distracted with moving across the country and getting married!

I will spare lovey details because, after all, it was awesome but I know what you're reading for and that's not to sit here and go "awe feelings!" its to laugh... or it's because you're REALLY bored.
At any rate, I may be able to succeed in the laugh department. I dunno, I'll try, it's been awhile and I feel like I'm relearning to use my little writing extension thing.

In the past five months I've moved to Georgia. Besides purchasing my first ever pair of RAIN boots and being confused by large bodies of water... there are some other things I've noticed about Georgia.

Georgia:

Where people are different, and those accents I do so well (ARE ACTUALLY REAL ACCENTS!)

And stores are named different things.

Where it seems that neutering and spaying your pets, although illegal not to do so, is optional.

Where I've already witnessed odd, codependent Army relationships and the idea of "codependency" isn't just something I've read about in a text book.. it's REAL.

Where I got us another dog, Ranger, who is probably the sweetest dog I've ever met.

Where it's still hard to find a job... le sigh!



On a positive note I am having fun! Being with my husband after several years of waiting. Finding a couple good friends who are independent!! Come on, I wouldn't be Leslie Freakin Reynolds if I didn't make the best of every situation I was put in, after all, it's not the place you live but you yourself who determines whether you're going to have a good time or not. :)

Welcome back, friends, I'll try to write more funny things soon.

Everything I learned... I did not learn from kids, but here's what I have... so far.

When you are on a walk never pick flowers that are growing in someone else's yard because those flowers are their flowers.

If you throw dog food in the yard you can imagine that your dogs are tiny horses grazing in the grass.

Naming dogs is as simple as looking around you and saying the first object you see.

 

Infinity is an impossibly hard amount of time to understand like, no matter how hard you try to explain it my tiny mind can't fathom "Forever" and my dad told me that a "googleplex" is longer than infinity. So it is. Even though it's not.

I will always tell you that I can do things like spin extremely fast on a tire swing but when you spin me that fast I will throw up.

If you see a scary bug......

A side note: I don't know if you've ever seen a Child of the Earth AKA "Jeruselum Cricket" because I freaking haven't. I am fairly certain what we found was a larvae of one of these horrifying insects. It's tiny fetus like body combined with its creepy red head in conjunction with it's tiny useless little limbs still haunt me. I will never turn over a rock, ever, for fear of seeing one of these things. If you, or anyone you know, has been affected by these monsters, please have them contact the Child of the Earth Hotline at 1-800-HOLYHELLIMSCARED. It'll get better, I promise... just... give it some time.


Bandaids are basically the coolest thing I've ever seen and I will always cover myself in them.

Don't want me to have markers? I will find them.

 And this is only the stuff that I can remember..... sooo... I'm sure these little gold gem nuggets of wisdom will keep coming your way.

Confrontation

Ever had someone say "Oh don't worry about it, I'll drive" and they do and it's your first time driving with them and it's unbearably hot?

Wait...
it's really hot....
like, hot flashes, melting hot.

Odds are you will not touch the air conditioner and you will not say anything to the driver because you don't know them well, you don't know how they'll react.
So you burn.
But what is it that we're really afraid of? Think about it, the worst that can happen....

 

Confrontation... what are we all really afraid of?

Kids. They get bored.

Grocery Store Fairy Tale

When I go to the grocery store it's usually an in n' out kind of situation. I know what I want... I get it, I leave. But today I got held up because the pharmacy was taking forever with filling my prescription, so I spent my time moseying around.

And as I was moseying I noticed that time spent in the grocery store with me is not normal. I shop erratically, zipping from one side of the store to the other. I tend to crash my cart because I like to do wheelies, and with my new toe shoes I've started walking on my toes, trying to train my muscles for when I go running.

So basically I look like a drunk, head bobbing, pterodactyl searching for sustenance.

On top of all of this I am, apparently, too nice to the grocery store employees. I talk to them, I smile and, like all roads paved with good intentions... it gets weird (or something like that).

The past couple weeks I have began to befriend the little fellow who runs the self check out line. A friendly little guy, indeed. We chat of his brand new, 3 week old, baby and his girlfriend. 

I have a friend.

And not only do I have a friend but talking to him allows the self check out to go faster, when that damned recorded voice goes "the self check out person has been notified to assist you" I get assisted the fastest!

But, in addition to both of us chatting it up when I see him I had, unwittingly led him to believe I was interested, unwittingly led him to believe that I was Dee-Tee-Effe. I don't know exactly what did it... I usually go to the store like this:

But here I stood, innocently scanning over the new movies when it happened.

He kind of... sidled up to me, it was one of those things where you feel them looking before you see them. But, there he was.... waiting to talk to me...

And there I was. Clueless.

 

Where he then proceeded to ask if I wouldn't mind being his "Hook-up buddy"

I'm not sure where this:

 

Got translated to... THIS:

damn... he was classy wasn't he? I shoulda said yes.....