Mos-Kwee-Toes

Last night I woke up to my finger burning and itching. I knew exactly what it was and I knew what to do. I itched it, sleepily got out of bed and put on a long sleeve shirt and then I got the bug spray and sprayed myself. Sleeping under the covers when you're sprayed with 29% deet, not to mention it's hot outside, is not pleasant. It's the price you pay, however, for having an aggressive knuckle biting mosquito in your room. I woke up with my finger swollen so much that I can barely bend it; I am pretty freaking allergic. It got me to thinking, once again, what good mosquitoes are to the environment. What is their purpose? What would happen if they ceased to exist and I came to the conclusion that....

NOTHING would happen because mosquitoes are a fucking vindictive blood feeding insect with no value to anyone, anywhere. Their larvae provide food for some fish and shit, but honestly I don't really care.

I hate mosquitoes.

Only the females suck blood, they have shit in their saliva that makes you swell, and also has anticoagulant in it that keeps your blood flowing freely into their disease ridden proboscis. That's freaking fancy scientist talk for that poker thing they shove through your skin.

They spread virus' and parasites. Yellow Fever, Dengue Fever, Malaria, West Nile Virus, just to name the most popular ones that people are familiar with. Not to mention this one thing that who cares what it's called because it's hard to pronounce anyways but its the main cause of "Elephantiasus" you know that shit where there's a documentary on this guy with a huge elephant leg and he's all disfigured? A MOSQUITO did that.

There are over 3,500 species of mosquitoes and there's a FEW that won't bite us but you know what? I don't care. I seriously don't care about any of them. I hate them. I hate that when they bite me I react so strongly I basically can't use whatever appendage they've sullied with their gross, nasty mouth parts.

I am all about knowing what animals in our environment need to be protected in order to help maintain the delicate balance of an ecosystem but mosquitoes are worthless, literally blood sucking wretches, bane on my existence creatures who could all die today and nothing would happen and no one would care. In fact the world would be a better place without them.

The only good thing so far that I've noticed about them is that you can say mosquito like "Mos-kwee-toe" and that hardly makes up for their worthlessness in my eyes.

The Internet

Don't ever try to explain to me how the internet works because as far as I'm concerned the internet is magic. There's no explaining the way it travels through the air, penetrates my computer and brings me live feed of my tired, sunburnt and sand covered husband.

When you have a deployed soldier you often times find your electronics will become your best friend.

The glow of your computer is in your face at all hours of the night, the notifications from online messengers mirroring that of a heartbeat monitor. Unlike your significant other, however, you cannot Google things through them or watch TV which, now that I think about it, would be insanely cool.

I imagine a time before technology where soldiers were kissed goodbye and fingers were crossed and I become thankful for being able to see my pixelated soldier almost every day.

So when the internet goes out, severing the connection between my husband and I, the whole world becomes vastly more dramatic. It literally gets darker in the room because I am forced to unplug my electronics in hopes that resetting everything will bring it back.

I begin remembering things that I have been meaning to Google like more fuzzy socks, more funny pictures of cats, websites of bad dogs being shamed, how to fix my internet when it goes out and more funny pictures of cats.

And as quickly as I have this moment of panic the blinky lights return and my entertainment is restored. The panic of all of the emergency Googles fades away and those things get put back on the shelf and most of all: I feel really, really stupid for putting so much meaning into the internet.

My brief stint in the darkness reminds me to always be thankful for the things we have: big and small. Not to think of these things, pretentiously, as "first world problems" but to stop and just simply be thankful. The magic of the internet, the fact that I can read (I read that in Afghanistan 93% of women are illiterate), the fact that you don't have to hope upon all hopes that tonight you will get to talk to your husband online, if only for a moment. Sometimes it takes the brief moment of drama, of darkness, however exaggerated I may have just presented it to knock us back down to Earth.

So don't ever try to explain the internet to me, it is magic, magic in more ways than one and you may just get a lecture on being more thankful. You never know.

Sadness is not Funny?

Sadness is ridiculously.... sad.

There have only been a few times in my life where I've felt this sadness wash over me and in the midst of it all my mind just can't stop being funny. To be honest it's a true testament to my amazing, never ceasing wit and if I were to take a wit test I would pass with flying colors.

Anyways; sadness. Today I feel as if no human should be allowed to feel as sad as I am right now and with every sad breakdown I find myself wishing that human emotion could be a stagnant, never changing, placid lake. But not like Lake Placid the horrifying movie where Betty White plays an old croc enthusiast and helps propogate a deadly, inexplicably massive, croc species.

Is there a sequel to that movie?

That movie is one of my favorites and I am really not embarrassed to admit it. 

Like seriously... no one tell me if there is or isn't a sequel because, in my mind, there is... and it was AWESOME.

And, to be honest with you, there's really no smooth segway from what just happened so I'll make it quick... back to my point: sadness is ridiculously sad and sometimes we get so sad that all we can do is laugh. We have done everything we can to cope, we've expected the worst, we've IMAGINED the worst and now we have to buckle down and hope for the best. We have our rain jackets on and now it's time to hope it doesn't rain.

I am sad today but I am not the only one. It's sad to think about that but makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.

What we are with our husbands is different from what we are without them. We are strong in both instances but it's comforting to have them around because we are able to let our guard down if only in between deployments. When they leave we become two people in one and that strength is incredible.

Here's to putting on our raincoats, buckling down for a storm, but looking to the sky and hoping it won't rain, but we'll be ready if it does.

And yes... I totally realize a raincoat is futile against lightening or a tornado... it's a dramatic depiction okay? Stop questioning it, enjoy and laugh.

Damn....